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Prelude
* * *
"So... finally I can see
your face! You don't look as much as the devil as I had thought!" The
words come confused to me, muffled in the buzzing of my ears... my certitude,
my pride, my strength, everything has fallen... everything has been
split together with my mask, whose two parts lay on the rocks now, while
the man who had already managed once to look inside of me makes fun
of it, or at least that is what it seems to me... I have always the
impression that men make fun of me, that is why I have created to myself
a different identity... my mask wouldn't only hide my face, but also
my soul.... "Seiya!" I manage to say, "Next time we'll meet, I'll wear
my holy armor, and you'll have to fight with your soul!" My words come
out of my mouth in a calm, low tone, in the consciousness that it's
useless to bring into play my customary stance at this point. "I hope
not! I really hope it won't happen ever again!" He says while he directs
toward his master. There is a new purpose in my life now... fight to
save my dignity from the dishonor... in a way or another.... I can't
manage to do anything else but run away... shocked confused... I have
to go hiding somewhere... I have to! Tears stream down my face... nobody
has ever managed to defeat me. Why you, Seiya? Why did you manage to
defeat me for the second time? I run while anger makes my temples beat
wildly... I feel lost... I am not watching where I am going, and suddenly
I run into something. I bump against a body, it feels like a rock to
me... I am about to fall backwards, when something catches me... in
the darkness, two tough hands grab my arms... It feels like a dream...
I turn to look up at him, and I recognize him... There is no word...
nothing to say... his look on me is not surprised, not ashamed of violating
a priestess' vows. Only calm... intense... he scans it from up and down...
his eyes stop on mine for a little bit, then go down to discover my
lips... still holding me hard.... I can do nothing but watching him
in shock... wondering what to do. I try to free myself from his grip,
"Let go of me!" I hiss at him... he leaves me... and I start running
away again... I wish I could die!!!!!! "Shaina!" The imperious voice
behind me calls, " I swear on everything I believe in that nobody will
ever, ever know." I can't do anything... I can't think, I can't cry,
I can't hope... tonight my world has been broken... I have to put the
pieces together now...
I am laying down... putting together the happenings of this night...
I was out for a while... I couldn't manage to sleep... it happens often....
I am wondering about so many things tonight... so many things who have
shocked me.... like seeing that beautiful face.... For a moment, in
the darkness... I have believed... I hoped.... I wanted it to be Marin's
face.... Then I have recognized her.... it was a shot.... what is going
to happen now? I know the rules very well.... I am worried.... scared....
confused.... I feel like I betrayed Marin tonight... by looking at Shaina's
face... Betrayed... betrayed who? A dream? An illusion? Someone who
doesn't even give me a second glance.... somebody who doesn't have any
intention of coming out from behind that damned unexpressive metal to
offer her beauty to me? What is love made of? What are emotions made
of? Does it take a lot to fall for somebody else and get over someone
who can only be a delusion? Somebody who you run after a whole life...
somebody that is part of you by now? Does it take a lot to mess up all
your beliefs of a lifetime? Can it take a gaze into some beautiful green
eyes, in a face that I would have never believed to be so beautiful
and pure? I don't know... I'll have to find out...
I hear some knocking at the door... it comes confused... I am still
sleeping... I fell asleep as I saw the sunrise, my night has been terrible...
the sun brought me a little rest... the night is the moment in which
you can't escape ghosts... the night is the moment of fright, and then
it comes the day, and washes the fear away... then is when I fall asleep...
when my fears, like vampires who suck my blood, get terrified by the
sunlight... I direct toward the door... probably whoever was knocking
has gone away already... "Who is there?" I shout... no answer... I am
scared of opening the door... don't want anybody else to see my face...
"Don't worry..." the voice behind the door surprises me, "It's only
me... I came to give you something even though you don't deserve it!"
I open the door... I feel ashamed and embarrassed... what am I going
to say? She doesn't have any fault... "You have a great courage to come
here!" I hiss at her while opening the door... "I only hope every time
that the little girl whom I trained with will come up again sometimes..."
She answers and holds me something wrapped in a piece of fabric... I
examine the thing... then open it... It's a brand new mask! Just like
the one that was split last night... "And here I have the old one!"
she says while she holds me the two pieces... "You don't want anybody
to find it on the rocks and start wondering, do you?" She says while
I cannot pronounce one only word... She starts walking away... I should
say something. Why can't I just be grateful for once? Why I can just
feel this as another insult? " I don't need your pity, Marin!" I shout
at her... she turns to look at me for a little bit, and says, "Shaina...
we are part of the same cake! What happened to you could happen to me
anytime... who is going to be there to help a female saint other than
another female saint? We are alone! Misjudged! Made fun of! We need
more balls than a man to become Saints, and I know how many you have!
We have been trained together... we have slept in the same room! We
have exchanged dreams and aspirations! Allow me to remember those days...
Anyway I can see through the mask, whatever you want to make me think!"
That's it... she stalks away... letting me in tears... Marin! You are
so nave! What do you see through the mask? A tainted person! That is
all you should be able to see... the girl who trained with you doesn't
exist anymore!
