Dive
in the past
"So:
you are the new entry here, right?"
"Not really… I have only been changed training camp, I came
here long ago."
"What is your name?"
"The Master called me Shaina!"
"And what was your name before the master would call you that?"
"It doesn't matter! I am Shaina now! The other doesn't exist
anymore!"
"Wow! You got a spirit! How old are you?"
"Eleven."
Cleastra was looking at me from behind her mask. I couldn't see her
face, but I could spot her tone, and also the way she looked at me
from behind the metal: I felt it queer… interested… what
kind of interest was that anyway? I didn't see why a grown student
should look at me like that…
"And you have been trained in your country before coming here?"
She added with that same unpleasant tone. Her hair was long and blondish,
combed in different braids, she was at least a foot taller than me,
and rather beefy, yet her body was beautiful, in the respect of her
proportions. I didn't feel like answering her stupid questions.
"So you aren't a real novice, are you?"
"Well… I only need another year to get my cloth." I
said laconically, and sounding in a hurry to get away from her. I
didn't like to give all these explanation to her, even because I felt
that she was asking me information not because she wanted to be my
friend, rather to find a soft spot… In the meantime other trainees
approached, and I could feel trouble, so my Cosmo flared against my
will…
"Wowowow! Our dear little one is getting rather edgy!" She
teased, and the others laughed. It was clear that she was the "boss"
among them… I mean among the novices, but she didn't know me
yet! Pretty soon there would be a role exchange here, and if she liked,
we could work at it right now! I wasn't scared at all and I started
to prepare myself for an imminent fight, but she gestured to the others
to stay away from us and continued, "C'mon Koukla!
Nobody here means to hurt you! Rather, I'd really like to be your
friend…if you behave, of course." And laughed… "See…everybody
who is new here in this section has to go through some… "Proves"
you know… I mean, a kind of testing…" Her voice started
to sound even weirder now… almost… lustful… but at
that time I couldn't know…
Cleastra approached me a little more and her hand slightly touched
mine. I stepped back like a wild cat and hissed at her, "I have
no idea what you want from me, but I can already tell you that I am
not interested in whatever it is, and most of all, I am not interested
in your friendship at all! I am here only to become a Saint, and I
have already been going through all of the "proves" you
can imagine!" She seemed amused by my aggressive attitude and
laughed even louder, "You get even hotter when you are mad…
I don't mean to hurt you, you know… just a little… be with
you… You see: everybody had better have my protection here, if
you do not want to get into trouble, and I intend to give it to you…
only… you have to pay a little…. toll!" She turned
to look at the others and laughed, and they, like obedient puppets
imitated her. I wasn't sure I had gotten what she wanted yet, but
it sounded like that kind of "mafia" talking I had heard
so often back in Sicily, and didn't like it one bit.
"You know," she said getting closer and blocking me against
a tree I hadn't seen was behind me, "You might like it…"
she started to stroke my neck with her index claw, and I felt I was
about to throw up… so that was what she wanted?
She continued boldly, I was so shocked from such approach that I couldn't
do anything but staring at her in total amazement… and I was
lucky she couldn't see my face… Her voice became seducing all
of a sudden " I know you have never done it… See, here is
how it works… I'll play the man and you'll play the woman, if
I hurt you you'll tell me and I'll stop… It's not as good as
doing it with a real man, but it is still good." She was not
older than fourteen; I could tell, yet, that last sentence made me
understand she was the kind of person who had slept around enough
to find men boring so as to want to seduce another girl…. It
was really enough for me: my Cosmo flared higher, and so did hers…
all the others prepared to attack me, and she said, "You know,
pethi mou, I always get what I want!" Slowly,
a thought dawned in me: Marin would have never done this to me! Never…
what did this invader want from me?
In that moment I heard her voice, "That is enough, Cleastra!"
I felt secure with her, like I would feel if I had a mother. She was
a saint already; she had just won her cloth… while I had one
more year to go … "OH! Look! Our brand new Saint already
at work! What a dedicated person!" Cleastra exclaimed viciously,
still holding my arm…
"I said: let her go! Right now!" she continued, her Cosmo
growing dangerous… "Step away, Aquila Marin! You are out
of here now! " She continued not scared at all, which I wondered
how could she!
"Do you want a taste of what a brand new saint is like?"
Marin continued. Cleastra let go of me not forgetting to give me one
last push on my chest with her fist … "Marin, you wouldn't
be this secure if you wouldn't have the protection of the new Leo
Saint!" I thought that Marin would give her a lesson because
of that last comment, but she just ignored her, and walked toward
me.
In that moment two more figures appeared behind Marin, I had met them
also when I got here, five years ago… handsome… very handsome,
but it was only a detail… I didn't know that a Saint was allowed
to… love… feel… that is why I was so shocked by Cleastra,s
action…
"Is she all right?" one of the two guys asked Marin.
"Yeah…I suppose so. I guess I got here on time." She
said, and then, coming closer, while I had let myself fall on the
ground because of the shock, they all squatted before me. One of them
had light brown hair, and eyes as green as a prairie… his features
where very masculine and deeply beautiful… he was only fifteen,
but could have seemed older. In his voice, in the expression of his
face, a halo of mystery… of so many untold stories…all of
them painful…
He was visibly fond of Marin, and I couldn't understand whether or
not it was reciprocal. She didn't seem interested in anything like
that… she was a real Saint: totally detached from the passions
of this world, and only projected to serve Athena. She was so pure…
I had felt Aiolia's obsession for her since I was only six years old
and came here not knowing that men and women where done to attract
each other…
The other one had the same expression as his… like a common icon
of unhappiness, although his beautiful, restless blue eyes betrayed
signs of hope… hope for this life to get better, for the new
coming day to bring something awesome and great. His body was as beautiful
as Aiolia's, even though he looked more unconscious than he was…
more innocent, maybe… His name was Milo, and he was the new Scorpio
saint.
Aiolia
and Milo had just won their cloths also, and I had known that Aiolia
especially had had a really tough time, because of a story I heard
once from a girl who was training with me. She told me that his brother
kidnapped a baby here in Sanctuary, and that the baby was supposedly
Athena reincarnated, but they didn't know it for sure, for the little
girl had to go through a ceremony the day after… a ceremony that
would have confirmed her real nature, but Aioros; this was Aiolia's
brother's name, took her and the armor of the Sagittarius, and ran
away…
Voices come and go, and they all have the taste of a boring afternoon
in which there is nothing better to do but sipping dense coffee made
out of clay bricks with a complex ritual and gossiping upon the last
happenings in town and then read the future in the bottom of the cup
when there was nothing else to say unless one wanted to make it up.
…The voices said he was a traitor and the fact that he stole
the cloth was unacceptable… now nobody really knew what happened
to Aioros, but I did not really see why anybody would do anything
like that if not for a really good reason… I don't know…
it is the past anyway… The three of them made me stand, "I
am sorry you had to find out how tough a training camp can be,"
Said Aiolia, then added, "That Cleastra is a bully and we'll
bring her before the Pope right now!"
They took Cleastra away, and she turned to me to call me, "VILE!"
But Milo punched her very hard in the stomach, and she fell down,
to be picked up like an animal from him and Aiolia. As they had walked
away, Marin said, "Are you all right?" I was, and I didn't
like at all that kind of attention on me. Since my sister had been
exiled, I had closed my heart to everybody… even to her…
my best friend, who didn't want to let me go… we had slept in
the same bed until only few months ago… she would hold me at
night, and when none of us was tired, we would talk till morning…
talk about everything… talk about our undying friendship…
Nothing between us was like Cleastra's approach: ours were pure, sincere…
we were best friends till exasperation, holding each other so tight
like the other was on the edge of a cliff… about to fall…
and it was that: I was the one on the edge of the cliff: my sister
would have been incarcerated only a month later, and Marin would have
gotten her cloth only the day after… was about to be left alone
by the only two people I cared about… or maybe, I was the one
to isolate myself from them… and would have felt the same as
Aiolia felt when his brother betrayed Sanctuary. I was already tainted…
the same as Aiolia…
"You have a trainee to think about! Get away from me!" I
hissed at her, "I don't need you! Not anymore!" She had
already picked up Seiya… I hadn't even had the chance to see
him… it had been a year ago, right after she got her cloth, and
I hadn't wanted to meet him. I didn't want anything to do with her
anymore… I didn't know I would have met him a few hours after
Cleastra's incident. In a way I felt jealous… but in the end,
I knew I had been the one to walk away from her…
"This doesn't mean I care less about you! Even though you are
bitchy to me!"
She said in a sweetly scolding tone… I left her: I didn't want
to feel her warmth again! I wanted to forget everything about tenderness!
I wanted to become a Saint at the fullness of my possibility! I decided
that tenderness was a feeling that a Saint can afford! The price would
be too high! "Leave me alone!" I yelled, and she let go
of me, "I will, but promise that you'll call me if you need me!
Promise!" I turned my head on the side in sign of refusal, and
she lifted her mask a little to place a kiss on my temple before walking
away… I stayed like that until she disappeared behind the bushes,
trembling from anger, and then, swallowing bitter tears I went back
to my training, willing to forget the happenings and trained as hard
as I could! Using all of my strength on those jerks that had laughed
at me when Cleastra had tried to seduce me! I hit harder and harder,
for the first time in my life feeling the bliss of hurting people!
And I didn't know that was only a training… I didn't know I would
have killed for real someday, and with pleasure!
My opponents were laying on the ground, bloody and exhausted: I had
had my revenge for that day… The boss Cleastra didn't exist anymore,
now I was the boss, and would have been for long, long time! I left
them there, deciding that they didn't even deserve me to call somebody
to bring them to the infirmary. I let them over there like beasts
and walked out of the camp, beyond the bushes. Something was moving
over there, I was curious, and suddenly, from behind a tree, there
came a little rabbit… he was so cute, so innocent, just as I
used to be… I took my mask off and walked closer, hoping for
him to let me touch him… I loved animals, I could be sweet and
tender to them, because they couldn't go around and tell anybody…
the bunny showed to like me, "What are you doing here, bunny?
Are you lost?" And then it jumped in my arms and licked up and
down my cheek happily… I laughed a little, he was really cute…
it was funny that animals liked me so much…. more than people
did… maybe it was because they sensed my real nature… the
one I wanted to repress… I could fool people with my behavior,
but not animals and their sixth sense…
"OH! Look at that! The proud Female Saint gets moved at the sight
of an innocent bunny!" The young, teasing voice came from behind
me, followed by a childish laugh… it sounded like a spring bird…
a pretty one, and since I heard it, I felt that it belonged to somebody
who would have changed my life…
"Who are you? What are you doing here? Don't you know that the
access to the female trainees camp is forbidden to any boy?"
I yelled at him. His face was pure… chaste… and he pulled
his tongue out to signal that he didn't know it, and he was sorry…
"Oopss… I… I am sorry… I didn't know… Hey!
But you are wounded!" He said and suddenly tore his shirt's sleeve
to make a bandage for a cut I hadn't even noticed on my arm…
"Hey!" I protested as he approached me, but he didn't care,
and kneeled before me to medicate the wound. I had never felt like
that… he was being… sweet… just as Marin used to be…
it was like a flashback, an all of a sudden, I felt my heart melting…
a warmth taking me… as his hands touched me, as his leg slightly
stroke mine, my breath was shortened, my breasts swollen, and I wondered
what was going on… It felt…. good…
It was a different kind of warmth this time… it was different
than Marin's… it was not as I felt like this when she would be
close to me… what was this new feeling? I felt my lower body
tickling… it was a weird, relaxing sensation… I wanted to
ask to the boy, whoever he was, not to go away anymore…to give
me more than that, because I felt there was more to feel! He kept
talking all the time… but I wasn't listening… I was dived
in a world of muffled, untold, secret pleasure… "Remember
to change the bandage, ok?" He said to me, and then turned back
to go away… I hadn't awaken yet… only when he got up and
turned his back I realized he was leaving me, and I felt like he was
betraying me… One part of me would have liked to stop him and
beg not to go… In that moment, I forgot all of my resolutions…
"Hey! Wait! What's your name?" But he had gone, and a twinge
of fury started dawning in me: who was he to come here mess me up
and run away? Who was he to teach me what real kindness is like and
then take it back like that? I'll get revenge on you, little one!
You can bet on that!!
Shining
one: we already had something left unfinished… and now…
now that you have seen my face…now that you know both my faces…
it's not only for a senseless law that I swear I'll manage to kill
you, but also because you broke my own senseless laws! The ones I
created for myself and nobody else, the ones that whoever breaks won't
know any pity!
And you, Aiolia, golden one, guard yourself: either you die, or I
will! I won't take the dishonor on me any further… I know I can
kill Seiya, he is inferior, and I also know that I won't manage to
kill you, gold saint, but at least I'll try! I know that this is a
lost war! In the end, you invaders will win this battle I have already
lost, because I know I have already lost it! I'll have to be the one
to die in the end, and I'd rather die than live in the dishonor, but
first, I'll get anything I can out of this life! Out of what is left
of it! I'll get all my revenges! On Marin, for being pure and for
leaving me alone in my dirtiness, on Seiya, for teaching me that I
can feel, on you, for insulting and vituperating me, for seeing only
poison at the bottom of my eyes, for giving me the poison of yours
in a cup of compassion… on those who took my sister away from
me… on whoever is clean… while I am tainted!
